A short time ago in a dog porch right next to my house, a showdog and her mangy filthy friend digger were enjoying a cool breeze and conversation...
a giant tropical bird dropped from the heavens above, opened its talons and snatched the scared little showdog. They were flying gracefully over beautiful downtown Burbank when young Dos Wiz, who was learning how to inhumanely shoot animals with his older brother Mr. Belvedeer, took aim and smoked its ass out of the sky.
"Look Dad I bagged me a puppy." said Dos. "Yessem, it sure be good eating tonight. And by the way i'm not yer dad, so stop calling me that, especially infront of girls." Meanwhile in another timezone, the slut was looking for her missing showdog. She never found her favorite pet, but as consilation she found front row tickets to white snake and a gigapet with no batteries.
Back in Burbank, a yiddish speaking tourist named Roy was outraged about somthing but couldn't find the words to say it.
Dos Wiz, Mr. Belvedeer, a traveling salesman, and a trained monkey feasted on the showdog sauteed with mushrooms, garnished with salantro, and seasoned with Mrs. Dash.
Two days later the slut called the Burbank police department and told them everything. Well not entirely everything, she left out the part about how she stole cable. The police were eager to apprehend the heartless criminal that would eat a poor sluts showdog.
The next day Dos Wiz died of hyperthermia. Rumor has it, he was never seen again.
Roy was illegally extracting sap to make syrup to put on a stack of flapjacks up in a spruce tree, when the cops arrested him on 48 counts of eating a dog and one count of climbing a tree with out a permit.
They took his mug shots and sent him to the big house where he eventually learned fluent ebonics.
One day Roy changed his name to Stone Cold Gary. The next day he and his cellmate Rattlesnake Tom escaped from prison by carving a hole in the wall with a bar of soap.
Rattlesnake Tom and Stone Cold Garry, now both hardened criminals made an indecent and non-profitable living smuggeling cigarretts between Canada and the United States in Rattlesnake Tom's hollowed out artificial leg.
In Edenton, they lifted a hot Kia Sephia and drove to the Frisco Bay on the way they picked up a hitchhiker, a truck driver, a deep sea diver, and McGyver.
Stone Cold Gary looked at the golden gate bridge so long, he developed golden gate bridge syndrome and went insane.
He started screaming the lyrics to Ackey Breaky Heart and doing "this dance" all over town.
A retro-hippy, gave him some herbal tea and told him to stay real. Then Rattlesnake Tom overdosed on chloro floro carbons somewhere and washed up on the dock of the bay next to Otis Redding.
Stone Cold Gary settled down and worked part time at the dry cleaner. He also wrote poems about things he didn't know about, and people he seldom knew until he fell down a flight of stairs and passed away.
The slut ended up married to some rich dude from omaha. Until the day she went into a spookhouse alone and never came out.
